Words are powerful. They help us understand each other, build relationships, and share ideas. But sometimes, what we mean isn’t what others hear. For neurodivergent people—those who think and process differently from the neuro-privileged majority (the term I use because the world was built for their neurotype)—this happens a lot. These differences in how we use and understand words can cause confusion, especially in small groups or one-on-one conversations, whether at home or work.

Why Words and Context Matter

Neuro-privileged people often use unspoken clues, social cues, and implied meaning to communicate. For neurodivergent people, this can be tricky. We tend to prefer direct and clear language. When words are vague, we might not understand exactly what someone means, which can lead to misunderstandings.

For example, if someone at work says, “Let’s talk about this later,” it might seem simple. But for a neurodivergent person, it can lead to questions like: When is later? Today? Tomorrow? Do I need to follow up, or will they?

This kind of confusion can happen in everyday situations, too. At home, a family member might say, “I’m fine,” even if they’re upset. A neurodivergent person might take that at face value and not realize something deeper is going on or pick up on other more subtle cues and experience confusion because you do not appear “fine” to them.

A Personal Story

I’ve experienced this confusion many times as a parent and in my career. There were moments when someone would use slang, idioms, or workplace jargon that I didn’t understand. It felt like I was supposed to “get it” without asking questions. But I didn’t, and I didn’t feel comfortable admitting that. I worried people would judge me, thinking I wasn’t smart enough or didn’t belong, which kept my imposter syndrome very active.

These kinds of words—slang and jargon—are often meant to show group belonging, like being “in on” a shared shorthand. But instead of building connections, they can make people feel excluded. I learned that this can be avoided by using specific, clear, and well-known language. In fact, most experts recommend aiming for an 8th-grade reading level in communication because it’s accessible to nearly everyone.

Everyday Misunderstandings

Miscommunication happens all the time, especially when people have different ways of processing words and context. Here are a few examples of how this can play out in daily life:

• At Work:
  Imagine a manager telling their team, “Keep this simple.” For someone who is neuro-privileged, this phrase might mean, “Don’t overcomplicate things.” But for a neurodivergent employee, it might spark a series of questions: What does simple mean? Should I focus only on the outcome, or do I need to simplify the process too? How much detail is too much? Without more precise guidance, the neurodivergent employee might either overthink the task or simplify it too much, leading to frustration on both sides.
• At Home:
  A family member might say, “We’ll figure it out,” when discussing weekend plans. For a neuro-privileged person, this phrase implies that things will come together eventually. For a neurodivergent person, it’s too vague. They might wonder, What’s the plan? Who is figuring it out, and when? What do I need to do to help? This uncertainty can create unnecessary stress or tension.
• In Friendships:
  In casual conversations, a friend might say, “Don’t worry about it,” or “You know what I mean,” expecting the listener to fill in the blanks. But for a neurodivergent person, these phrases can feel dismissive or confusing. They may genuinely not know what the friend means and feel too embarrassed to ask for clarification, which can lead to a breakdown in communication over time.
• Parenting:
  Imagine a parent telling their neurodivergent child, “Please clean your room.” While this may seem straightforward to a neuro-privileged person, a neurodivergent child might not understand what form of “clean” is meant. Does “clean” mean making the bed? Picking up toys? Dusting? Organizing my closet? All of it? They might feel overwhelmed, not knowing where to start or what the parent truly expects. Without clear steps like, “Please put your toys in the bin and then make your bed,” the task can feel unmanageable, leading to frustration for both the child and the parent.

These kinds of misunderstandings can happen anywhere and with anyone—at work, at home, with friends, or even with strangers. They highlight how much we often rely on implied meaning rather than clear and direct communication.

When these gaps in understanding occur, they can leave neurodivergent individuals feeling excluded, anxious, or unsure of how to respond. The good news is that these misunderstandings can often be avoided entirely with minor changes in how we communicate. Clear communication helps everyone feel more comfortable and valued in conversations.

Three Simple Changes for Clearer Communication

If you want to make your conversations more neurodivergent-friendly, try these tips:

1. Be Clear and Direct
   Say exactly what you mean. For example, instead of “Let’s circle back later,” say, “Let’s talk about this tomorrow morning.” At home, instead of saying, “I’m fine,” try, “I’m upset, but I don’t want to talk yet.” Clear words help everyone stay on the same page.
2. Make Sure You Both Understand
   After sharing something important, check if you’re both on the same page. Ask, “Can you tell me what you heard so I can ensure we are on the same page?” Conversely, if you’re unsure what someone else means, don’t be afraid to ask questions like, “Can you explain a little more about how those steps work together?”
3. Give Time to Process
   Many neurodivergent people need time to think before responding. Instead of expecting an answer immediately, say something like, “Take some time to think about this, and let me know later.” or, “If questions come up later, please ask them so I can support you.” This makes conversations feel less rushed and more thoughtful.

Building Better Connections

We can create stronger, more supportive relationships when we understand and accommodate the different ways people use and process words. These small changes in communication can make a big difference, helping everyone feel more understood and respected.

Have you tried any of these tips or used others successfully? Share your stories in the comments—I’d love to hear what works for you!